Thursday, September 5, 2013

Some hero...

A couple of years ago a would-be client tried to pay me with $100 bills that my handy-dandy counterfeit detector pen revealed as fake. He acted embarrassed, swore he didn't know, blamed some guy who bought his car that morning, apologized and left. I wasn't angry; I actually felt bad for the guy.

Wasted pity as it turns out.

A few days later I received an email from another provider in the area warning everyone that a guy (going by the same name) had just given her counterfeit money. Only she wasn't quite as cynical as me and therefore didn't have a handy-dandy counterfeit detector pen. She had to find out from the bank teller when she tried to deposit the cash into her account directly AFTER she had given him services.


He KNEW the money was fake and, as it turns out, had screwed over at least two providers that I know of and probably countless small business owners. We each tried calling him but he never answered and a couple of days later the phone was disconnected.

Flash forward to just a few weeks ago, I'm watching the news and whose picture do I see? Yes, Mr. John Q. "I'm so pathetic I pay for pussy with fake money." Unfortunately the picture wasn't his mug-shot. It was his military portrait. He had been killed in the line of duty.

Usually I feel sad when soldiers are killed, but in this particular case, I'm just more disappointed to find out that an active service member did such a thing. And yes, apparently he was enlisted and active at the time that he paid for pussy with money he knew to be counterfeit.

But he's a hero, right? I mean, am I even allowed to post about this?

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Keep it brief, please!

I'm talking about phone calls. Don't keep your escort on the phone longer than 5 minutes before setting up your appointment!

Why, you ask?

1. Because it's rude and inconsiderate. She may be polite, but probably has other things that need tending to so don't waste her time.

2. Typically, the more the caller yaps on and on, the more questions they ask, the more likely they are full of SHIT. It's true. When I used to answer the phone for an escort service, I was told to hang up on men who asked too many questions. If you're serious, you'll just set up the appointment already.

3. What if she has limited minutes on her cell phone and you're burning them up just because you're bored or too scared to seal the deal?

4. Just trust me, it's not appreciated.

Not exactly the best post to return with after a long hiatus, but after dealing with several long-winded, full-of-shit men today, this is what's on my mind!

Thursday, March 28, 2013


This blog will be available to read, but will be on hiatus for probably a very long time.

A friend of mine from the business was going to take over for me, but then decided she'd rather not and I don't have the time or motivation to continue right now.

I'll probably log on once a month to review and publish comments, but I will probably not respond and there will be no more new posts.

Thank you to everyone for your support. I hope you find the posts I've written here helpful or at least amusing.

Much love. ♥

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Wait, I do have one quick thing to say

To the man whose comment I didn't publish because it was nothing more than whining, pissing, and moaning about how much it costs to see an escort:


This service is a luxury, not a necessity, dumbass. If you want free lovin', go to the bar. Though that may involve your cheapskate ass buying a lady a drink or two. If that's too much, well the one good thing about masturbation is you can be with anybody you want for as long as you want. Enjoy.

Published comments

My goodness, I had about 42 comments in moderation today. How did I let it get so far behind?

Well, turns out about 80% of them were spam that I reported and did not publish.

For the few of you whose comments I did publish, THANK YOU. I appreciate your support. I wish I could respond to each of you individually, but I can't. I can only apologize for taking so long to publish your kind words and for being so slow to update this little blog of mine.

I don't want to promise another update because I honestly do not know when I am going to have the time and I don't want to disappoint again.

Thank you so much for hanging in there with me though. And thanks again for your comments!

Love to all!

Monday, April 9, 2012

Clients, if you should happen to spot me at the emergency room

And I'm with an obviously sick relative, and surrounded by other family members: don't fucking know me!

Don't follow me around, gawking. And for crying out loud, stop trying to make eye contact with me. What is wrong with you? RUDE!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

How much to tip your escort

Not very often, but occasionally I do check the stats on my blog. I didn't used to -- I didn't want to be depressed by too few readers or intimidated by having many. But when I decided to allow comments, I thought it would be interesting to see where they are coming from, as well as the keywords used to find this blog in the first place. And it has been interesting indeed. Some of the keywords or phrases are hilarious, some just plain wrong, but then some of these search phrases are actually very practical questions and have helped me see what people most want to know about. I think it would be kind of fun to turn this into a series of some sort -- like every so often answer another common question or talk about the most popular subject.

"How much to tip your escort" is by far the most common (practical) query that leads people to this blog. The problem with tackling this subject is that there is no one right answer.

You can always flat-out ask the provider what is satisfactory, but be careful to not suggest the tip is payment for extra services or they may think you are LE trying to entrap them. Even though, but not always, a tip generally does entitle you to extra service, the provider won't give details about how much more extra services will cost you until after your session has begun and you have paid your base donation and gotten yourself "comfortable" -- in other words, until after they are certain you are a legitimate client.

This is my recommendation: (and if any other providers out there find this post and have something extra to contribute, I more than welcome your input in the comments) Bring double the agreed-upon donation to your appointment. Give her the base fee immediately. (I can't stress this enough -- don't haggle or ask what you're getting. You made the appointment, she got herself ready for you and maybe even paid for a hotel room, just give her the fee. Place it somewhere where she can see it and do not discuss it at all.) If she expects an extra donation for extra services, she'll let you know as soon as she is comfortable doing so. Some escorts charge a lower base fee and require more money for sexy time, others (like me) charge a little more up front and include release in the session. Some charge a very high fee and also charge for extras, while others (usually crackheads) charge next to nothing and couldn't care less about a tip, they're just trying to get you out the door with as little effort and time spent possible so they can get their rock. Stay away from those girls! Ha. What I'm saying is that all providers are different; what's included in the session and what is extra depends completely upon the escort and what she is comfortable doing. I knew one girl who loved it up the ass so much she included it with her base fee, but then charged double for vaginal sex. You never know.

Whatever happens, if your provider gives you good quality service, she deserves to be rewarded. Make sure to give her at least a 40% gratuity, either by way of negotiating for extras or just handing it to her as you leave to let her know you appreciate her effort. This is how you get good referrals, fellas, not to mention good karma. This is a luxury service, after all. ;)

Monday, March 5, 2012

On the follow back

A fellow blogger got their panties in a bunch because I didn't follow them back within two days.

The funny thing is though, that I actually was following him, just not publicly. I used to follow blogs through Blogger, but I've just found it easier to subscribe via RSS feed in Google Reader.

So, if you've followed my blog and think I'm not following you back, it's possible I am, just not using the public widget. Another thing to consider is the blogosphere is just as small as it is huge and I may already be following you with my real account.

Or it could be that I'm indeed not following you back. If that's the case, please don't take it personally. Maybe your blog is full of erotica that isn't my cup of tea. That doesn't mean that I don't like you as a person or that I don't appreciate you following me. I appreciate every person who takes time out of their busy schedule to read anything I have written. I sincerely do. I promised myself when I started this, however, that I wasn't going to fill my dash with content that I don't love just to make other people happy. I don't follow blogs and leave comments for the purpose of promoting myself -- in fact, I've only left two comments total since starting this blog almost two years ago -- if I follow someone, it's because their content appeals to me, period.

I appreciate and want to thank every single person who is reading my blog, whether you follow publicly, anonymously, or whatever. It makes me feel good that you are interested in what I have to say and are not just following because you want me to follow you back.

Having said all that, if you want me to follow you back, just ask and I probably will.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

It's a job, not a lifestyle (response to Curious Girl)

This comment was in my in-box this morning:

"Hey Tell All,

i am a 20-something year old interested in entering "the lifestyle". I came across your blog from happyendingz actually,but I feel like you are more of a person I can relate to/get advice from. I'm about to graduate from college and am living in a major city on the east coast.

I currently am a student and work part-time in the restaurant industry. I have seriously considered entering the lifestyle but honestly don't know anyone to talk to about it. I am really interested in talking to you more. Obviously, this is a total long shot as you have no idea who I am/I am have no idea who you are. Like I said, I am just looking for someone for advice/that I can talk to. My email address that I made is [REDACTED.]

I hope to hear from you!

Curious Girl"

Wow. Where to begin. First of all, why in the hell would you want to do this after graduating from college? I'm trying to get my degree right now, having to take two courses at a time while taking care of a family and household while working a normal job (just to keep my sanity) plus escorting two days a week, and I assure you that as soon as I graduate and get a job that will actually pay my bills, I will run as far away from this profession as I possibly can and never look back. It's not glamourous. Sure, it's entertaining at times and I have some regular clients that I don't mind seeing, but having to lie to my friends and family and constantly keeping my guard up is not exactly conducive to healthy, deep relationships. I don't recommend it.

If you really want the experience of it and have made your mind up, the best advice I can give you is to treat it like a job. It's not a "lifestyle." I've seen girls make escorting their life; it ruined all of them.

Another girl (I presume a girl, anyway) wrote to me last year asking about becoming an escort. You can read my response here.

I'm sorry but I can't email you because I don't want to help anyone become an escort, but I sincerely wish you all the best. Please be careful and don't be a stranger on the blog. Your comments are welcome anytime. XO

ETA: This is the Happyendingz she is referring to. It's the blog of an erotic masseuse. I've been reading CJ for the past year or so -- you might enjoy her, too.