Wednesday, February 29, 2012


Men, I know I've said this before, but I must say it again:

Don't ask a provider a bunch of incriminating questions on the telephone before your appointment.

I get that you're looking for some sort of guarantee that you're going to get fucked, but you have to accept that this business is a crap shoot. No legitimate provider is going to agree to fuck you for money on the phone or even in person. You have to remember: it's most often the verbal solicitation that is illegal and not the act.

If you pay a woman who has posted an ad in the adult services section of a hobbyist/provider website, you can pretty much be certain you will be gratified sexually one way or the other. She may give you a naked massage or you may get the whole enchilada. But she's not going to talk about it until she's 100% certain you are a legitimate paying client with no affiliations with law enforcement. And that's just the way it is.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

The Inflatable Butt Plug

Excuse me, I mean The Vibrating Butt Balloon. (I've never bought anything from that particular store so I'm not endorsing them or working for them in any way, though I'm sure it's a fine place to shop.) (By the way, good call on featuring a lovely woman on the cover of the box instead of who I know really uses these things: stinky fatasses with names like Buck, Chuck, and Bud.)

Since my surgery last year, I haven't been having vaginal sex with clients. I just haven't wanted to. Instead, I've been doing sensual massage (with happy endings, of course) and have lately been catering more and more to fetishes; particularly domination.

The problem is that most of my domination clients are either married or in a situation where they can't have their toys at home. So, I've been keeping them at my house. Under my bed, to be exact. Each client has his own labeled Rubbermaid box and all of the labeled Rubbermaid boxes are in another box, which is tightly sealed and labeled "knitting stuff" because nobody in my house has any interest in knitting. It does concern me though. What if I die? I can see it now: my kids or (even worse) my father, a few weeks after the funeral, finally going through the contents of my bedroom and looking under the bed (hopefully taking a moment to admire my organizational skills), pulling out boxes and seeing one labeled "knitting." "I wonder what projects she was working on?" they might ask themselves. And then they open the box and ARE HORRIFIED!

I have to get a storage unit. It seems a waste of space to get a whole storage unit for five boxes of toys though. Maybe a locker somewhere? What to do.

Anyway, this toy seems to give my clients a lot of pleasure, though it does not produce very pleasant odors upon deflation. I ask them to use an enema before we begin. It helps, but it's still stinky. I have to turn my head away and have even considered using a mask.

I bring this up because I have a noon appointment with a regular who is bringing this specific model to try. Oh goody.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Reactivating Twitter

Why not.

I miss having a place to put my quick thoughts about clients and other issues. It will also be helpful to notify people who don't have Blogger or Google Readers of my new posts, since I don't update as frequently as other bloggers.

My username is @tellallescort if you'd like to follow me. If you send me an @ reply letting me know you found me from my blog, I'll be happy to follow you back. Accounts like mine tend to get spammed to death so I don't usually follow back unless you talk to me so I know you're a real person. :)

Also, feel free to @ reply your questions to me there (or ask in the comments here) and I'll answer you right here on my blog. XO

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

No, you do not get a discount for being a "regular"

The fucking nerve.

Hey, I think I'll ask my local grocer to give me a discount for buying all of my groceries at their store and then get really shitty when they tell me no.

Look, you jerks, clients are plentiful. If I don't see you I will see someone else who pays my full rate. Plus, they will likely tip me. Cheapskates who ask for discounts don't usually tip.

Do you think I do this just for fun? I have bills to pay. You don't know my financial situation. Don't be a cheap dick.


I've decided to go ahead and allow them.

However, there will be a few rules. Just to keep from happening to me what I have seen happen to other sex workers with blogs.

  1. Comments will be moderated. Spam and anything that is rude, nasty/mean-spirited will not be published.
  2. You must be a registered user, either open-id or Google is fine, but there will be no anonymous comments. Not that you can't create some bullshit account, but I like to be able to attach a name to the comment. It helps build somewhat of a rapport if you comment more than once and there's also at least some sense of accountability. Besides, anonymous commenting is for pussies.
  3. I will wait to publish your comment when I have time to respond because it's rude to not acknowledge someone who takes their valuable time to comment.

I don't have that many followers -- and I post so infrequently -- so I don't expect an avalanche of response or anything, but I just thought it would be nice to hear from y'all.

Bravo, my sister!

Today, another working girl was called to a hotel where she was met by a very-strung out couple. They had a toddler with them, dressed only in a wet, saggy diaper. It is around 30 degrees here. The girl turned down the appointment immediately, left and called 911 from her car. She could have just called in some anonymous tip, but instead decided to stick around and wait for the officers so she could give a full account of what she witnessed. She wanted to make sure that something was done, even if it meant her admitting to officers of the law that she was a sex worker and had accepted a solicitation.

Given a choice between saving your own ass and protecting the health and well-being of an innocent, defenseless child is no choice at all. Right is right. Let the chips fall where they may.

She isn't the first girl I know of who risked her neck to report child neglect -- most of the women I know in this field are good, decent people.

By the way, the officers thanked her for the tip and let her go on her merry way. Yay them.